holding it gently as if it were some delicate and sensitive bird； and my
thoughts became muddled。 I didn’t read the letters again。 The sun broke
through the clouds and it occurred to me that if I’d entered Hasan’s
bedchamber one night and made love with him； no one； except Allah；
would’ve been the wiser。 He did resemble my missing husband； it’d be the
same thing。 Sometimes a strange thought like this entered my head。 As the sun
quickly warmed me； I could feel my body： my skin； my neck； even my nipples。
Orhan slipped inside as the sunlight struck me through the open door。
“Mama； what are you reading？” he said。
All right then； remember how I said that I didn’t reread the letters Esther
had just delivered？ I lied。 I was in the midst of reading them again。 This time； I
truly did fold them up and tuck them away in my blouse。
“e here； you； onto my lap；” I said to Orhan。 He did so。 “Oh my； you’re
so heavy。 May God protect you； you’ve gotten quite big；” I said and kissed
him。 “You’re as cold as ice…”
“You’re so warm； Mama；” he interrupted； leaning back onto my bosom。
We were leaning tight against each other； enjoying sitting that way in
silence。 I smelled the nape of his neck and kissed him。 I hugged him even more
tightly。 We were still。
97
“I’m feeling ticklis